Complications
by Sergeant Toast
Summary: Something horrible happens to Hawke. Will Fenris get the guts to try and talk to the woman he still loves, even if he was the one to end things? F!RogueHawke/Fenris
1. Loss

_**A/N: When I stopped and actually looked at this, I realized this didn't have to be a one-shot. So there will be another part after this, if I actually get around to it. Enjoy.**_

Catching up to her was more difficult than Fenris had thought it might be. Hawke was on an all-out sprint. He supposed it was understandable, considering she thought her mother was in the hands of a man known to abduct and kill women. That was probably a good reason to be on edge. And running. Running very, very fast.

"Hawke, slow down!" Varric complained, behind even Anders, who was in robes. Then again, with those short legs of his, Fenris thought, it was no surprise the dwarf wasn't quite as fast as an apostate in robes.

As she showed no sign of slowing down, Fenris sped up, catching up to her relatively quickly. She had stopped by now; she was bent over a pool scarlet liquid on the concrete flooring of Lowtown. "Where is he taking her?" she muttered, clearly frustrated. "This is the only..." The sound of her voice trailed off into a mutter so Fenris could no longer hear her. He directed moss green eyes away from the blood and around the vicinity. Wordlessly, he raised a hand to point over to steps nearby. Hawke's own eyes - almost the color of lyrium - followed the gesture, and she leapt up instantly, running over to them. "It keeps going!" she cried, dashing down the stairs.

Anders had already caught up, but Varric had just arrived when they were off again. He shot Fenris a spiteful glare, as if to say "you just had to point that out _now, _didn't you"? Fenris could scarcely surpress the tugging at the corners of his lips - the start of a smirk. But now was not the time, and, instead, he raced down the stairs after Hawke, who was following pools of blood across Lowtown. Hmph. And Varric thought _Fenris _was morbid.

After enough running to match up with the amount of walking Anders had probably done in a week at the Circle, they stopped. Hawke was standing at the door of the Lowtown Foundry, a delicate hand on the knob of the door. She did not seem able to move until Fenris walked up the stairwell behind her and nudged her in the arm. She glanced over to him and nodded, almost imperceptibly, before turning the knob and throwing the door open. More pools of blood to follow. Fenris knew that, even though Varric and Anders had finally caught up, neither of them had seen the sudden loss of hope on her soft features.

"We have to find her," she said, sounding determined instead of hopeless. Once again, Hawke was keeping up the bravado. Leandra had been kind to all of them; none of the group would wish a single bad thing on her. And that was without knowing what would be the outcome if Leandra was hurt. Hawke was vital in all of this; if she fell apart, who knew what would happen? She could fall apart at any moment. She had lost her brother to an ogre, her sister to the Circle, her father before they had even left Ferelden... her mother was all she had left. At least Fenris couldn't miss his parents or hurt over them if he did not even know who they were. Where they existed. _If _they existed.

As soon as they ran down the stairwell of the Foundry, a few shades and abominations emerged from the unforgiving, stone ground. They all had their weapons out quickly, but Hawke, even quicker than usual, it seemed. When Fenris went to swing at the nearest abomination, he had to stop his sword short because Hawke had jumped in the way. He doubted she even knew that she had done it, but it still got on his nerves - he could have sliced her in two! Nevertheless, the abomination had been smoothly dispatched in under five seconds, and she had moved on to the next one.

Since there were only two other than the one Hawke was currently tormenting, Fenris left them to Anders and Varric, who, he knew, could take care of themselves. He opted to watch her instead. Normally, she fought quickly and efficiently, but this was almost... frenzied. As if she would break into hysterics at any second. Somehow, though, even half mad, she managed to look graceful. Fenris knew that some women looked beautiful around childen, some while they cooked, others while they sewed... Hawke looked beautiful in battle. It was the elegance with which she moved, the swiftness. It was the way her hair slid forward into her eyes, the concentrated look in those lyrium eyes while she dodged any attacks thrown at her. It was the way she snuck up behind an opponent and slipped her dagger into his back, the opponent none the wiser until he was curled up on the floor. It was for these reasons that Hawke was a woman to be respected.

But he had gotten caught up watching her. The abomination was dead, and all the others, along with the shades, had been looted. Varric, it seemed, was leading the way now, following the pools of blood. Hawke followed behind he and Anders, not seeming the least bit bothered about the ambush that had just been forced upon them. When Fenris had caught up, he stared at the ground as he walked, silent for a period. "Almost as if he was expecting us, isn't it?" he muttered to her.

Hawke, all steely determination, did not answer, her eyes straight ahead as she walked, her head held high. He had not seen her eyes colder than this, even once. Maybe the losses were getting to her. There had been many, after all, and she was resolved that there not be one more. _Especially_ not her own mother.

They fought through more abominations, shades, and demons on their way further into the Foundry, Varric, Anders, and Fenris all finding it difficult to get in a hit at any point. Hawke was furious, Fenris realized, and it was at that point it hit him that out of anything you could put that woman through to piss her off, messing with her family was a line you simply did _not _cross. If Leandra was dead... Even Fenris didn't want to think of what might happen then. Still, he could not find it in himself to have any pity for the man who had taken her.

When they came to a room that seemed to have a shrine dedicated to... Leandra? it couldn't be... Hawke paused, staring up at the picture that looked so familiar, hanging over the fireplace. "It looks... just like Mother when she was younger," she whispered, wide-eyed. Fenris gently tapped her on the arm, having no idea of how to comfort her, to make her feel better. He was not the romantic sort, and he felt utterly clueless around her most of the time. He was not a complete idiot; he knew that he... felt something... for Hawke. He just didn't... know how to let _her _know that, really. Or, more, he _couldn't _let her know that. He had already screwed things up between them quite sufficiently.

Hawke glanced down at his hand and took a breath, nodding brusquely. She led them off again, and after trips down more corridors filled with creatures that belonged to blood mages or in the Fade, they came to a room with a man in it, and Hawke tensed. The room had books around, and there was a chair facing away from them, but the top of a veil that looked like it belonged to a bride was visible just over the top of the chair. She took another step closer before the man noticed them. He faced them and smiled, but it was a cold sort of smile. One that belonged on the face of a killer - it was perfect. With a glance down, Fenris saw that Hawke's fists were clenched, and she herself was tensed like a coil. He assumed it was taking quite a bit of her self-control to keep herself from springing at the man like a varterral.

It only took one hesitant pause before Fenris cautiously lifted a hand and set it on her shoulder. If it were possible, she was even more tense, but when she glanced back and realized who it was, she was much more relaxed. Fenris attempted a reassuring smile for her, but Hawke had already turned around and didn't see it. "Let her go," she said calmly to the mysterious man in front of them. As expected, he was wearing robes. As Fenris had mentioned earlier, what did magic touch that it did not spoil? He had been beyond furious earlier, of course, and he had wrongly taken it out on Hawke, but all the same. Magic was like its very own poison, hurting those who were even remotely involved with it.

The blood mage - as all four of them had deducted, after facing all those dreadful creatures, by now - ignored Hawke, the small, queer smile still in place. "Leandra was so sure that you would come, you know." His voice was calm, lilting, almost as if he were trying to lull them into letting their guard down. With a glance behind him, he noticed that the abomination - Anders - just looked uncomfortable, and Varric, unimpressed. Good. They were not giving in. The mage was speaking again, though, and Fenris directed his gaze back to him. "It's too late. She... she looks just like her. I couldn't help myself. I took the eyes, the hands, the body... and dear, sweet Leandra had... the facial structure... It was perfect. I loved her. But the Maker" - he said the revered name in spite, as if it were a dirty word that would destroy him if he uttered it - "took her from me. She didn't deserve that. So I brought her back. Oh..."

Hawke looked paralyzed now, when Fenris looked at her. Not that he could blame her - it had taken a moment, but he understood what the lunatic meant now. He meant that those other women he had killed... he had taken an element from each of them to create a woman that would look like his dead wife... and Leandra had been the unfortunate one to have the facial structure he needed. Hawke was even paler than usual, but Fenris kept his hand on her shoulder. When she shouted, Anders jumped, but Fenris stayed there. Varric didn't seem to have a reaction. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" Hawke demanded, her voice raising up to a screech. This was certainly a change of pace. Never before had Fenris heard her raise her voice - Hawke was always so controlled and calm; she joked much of the time - to such an angry tone, and so _loud. _If it was him the anger was directed out, Fenris might have even been scared, but the man was shaking already; quaking in his boots.

"She's... she's right here," he said, taking a step to the left as the visible bit of veil in the chair away from them rose and turned to face them. An incredulous gasp from Anders. A "what the hell?" from Varric. From Hawke, there was a yelp, and she was quivering under Fenris's hand. Leandra looked... There was a stitch around her neck, and her eyes were gray and dead, no longer full of the life that had always been there, that had never ebbed, even in the darkest of times. The quartet watched in horror as she staggered over to the mage - literally. She seemed unsteady on her legs, like a newborn nug.

Hawke started towards the mage, but she did not get far. He immediately summoned a small round ball of light around himself and the new Leandra. "You won't take her from me!" he shouted desperately, summoning more than the protective light shield. Now the small group was surrounded by more abominations, shades, rage demons, and even a desire demon. Immediately, Hawke had her weapons drawn and had leapt for the nearest foe. Varric backed up and rained down bullets on the enemies, while Anders followed him off to the side, shooting spells at whoever was closest to him. Fenris followed Hawke's lead, unsheathing his sword and swinging away at a rage demon. If he failed at this... he was letting Hawke down. He refused to do that once again.

"I'll take her from you if I please! She's my _mother!" _Hawke roared, still fighting. She ducked a powerful spell the desire demon shot at her and moved closer, then disappeared briefly, reappearing behind the demon and stabbing it harshly in the back. When the desire demon turned, Fenris, finished with the rage demon, ran up and swiftly ran his sword through the desire demon's neck, cleanly decapitating it. Hawke nodded a thanks and ran to the mage, since he'd made the mistake of taking his shield down. Leandra, it seemed, had moved away from the battle, just watching with those quiet, dead eyes. Fenris shook his head at himself as he, Varric, and Anders all joined Hawke in finishing off the mage.

It didn't take long; all four of them versus the blood mage was unfair, but none of them cared. He was dead quite quickly, and Hawke collapsed onto the floor, drawing her mother into her arms, as Hawke wasn't the only one who had collapsed. Leandra had fallen after they finished off the blood mage. Politely, Fenris, Varric, and Anders all stood back, just looking at the two. Hawke looked close to tears, and Fenris prayed she would not cry. He could not handle that, he knew.

"I... don't blame you, darling. You've... made me so... proud, you know. The mansion's back... my childhood... I love you, dear..." Leandra said, looking up at Hawke. "I'll... be with your father, now. And Carver. But... you'll be alone..." she whispered, blinking slowly. Leandra was pale as the dress she was wearing by now, and Fenris could tell she only had so long before it was all over. For her sake, he hoped it was quick. Absentmindedly, he added in his head, _She will not be alone. Hawke has me. _He wanted to slap himself for it. He had killed any chance of having something with Hawke long ago, and, as it was his own choice, he would just have to deal with it.

Hawke was shaking her head, almost like she did not believe what was happening right now. "Don't worry about me, Mother." she managed a weak smile. "You know I can kill all the bad guys." Then she glanced up to Anders, who just shook his head. "Anders, can't you... can't you _do _something?" she pleaded. The mage kept shaking his head, and, even though he did not like magic, Fenris was overcome with an urge to strangle him or threaten him until he did something useful.

Seemingly ignoring Hawke's last remark, Leandra let out a small laugh. "I'll miss you, sweetheart... Tell Bethany I... love her, too. And that I'm... sorry... I couldn't... save her..."

Hawke shook her head vigorously. "That was... the templars, Mother. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't mine." Fenris knew right away that Hawke was lying here. She had admitted to him she felt like Bethany would not be trapped with the Circle now if she had taken her into the Deep Roads when she went. It took a moment before Fenris realized that Hawke had just told her mother that so she would not worrry. He could not help but to smile faintly, though it dropped the next second; this was no time for smiling.

"Goodbye, darling." With that, Leandra shut her eyes, let out one last shudder, and let her body go still. She was still in Hawke's arms, and Hawke just stared at her dead mother for a moment before she dropped her head onto Leandra's chest and sobbed silently. Fenris looked away, not wanting to see or hear this. He felt so uncomfortable, and Hawke crying was just... He could not even think of a word for it, it was so rare. And it was something he never wanted to witness again. Hawke's was not a face meant for sadness. Her lips were meant to be in the sarcastic, wry smile they were almost always in, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief - not tears.

After a few more moments, Hawke gently pushed Leandra's corpse off her and stood up. She picked up the woman and lifted her into the chair she had been sitting in earlier, then just left her there, heading for the exit. She had not even made eye contact with any of them before she set off, but when she glanced over their way, Fenris could see the cold look in her eyes. She was angry, but she had already avenged her mother and there was nothing more she could do. But... her eyes had been so very cold... it was wrong. He saw Anders and Varric exchange glances before they walked slowly after her. Fenris waited for a moment, looking around the room, but then he walked after the rest of them, wondering how his mother dying in his arms would feel. For all he knew, such a thing had already happened. Right now, though, was Hawke's tragedy, and he was going to suck it up and try to find a way to make this more bearable for her.


	2. Reminisce

_**A/N: Here's part two! Sorry for taking so long; I think I have a short-term attention span. Enjoy the fluff. :)**_

_**Part Two**_

Anders and Varric had headed back to the clinic in Darktown and The Hanged Man, respectively, Varric muttering something about needing a beer and Hawke needing some time alone, and Anders just mumbling under his breath so quietly that even Fenris couldn't catch what he was saying. Hawke had bolted off before they even left, without a word; Fenris assumed she'd gone back to the mansion, and some sick, perverse part of him could not help but to think about how she would be all alone in that huge house...

He shook his head to remind himself that Bodahn, Sandal, and her Mabari hound, Rex, would all be there. Now all he had to do was get himself to open the door, which, mind you, was easier said than done. How would he know what to say? What was he going to do? Why did he even feel like he needed to do this in the first place? His thoughts were so all over the place right now that Fenris could hardly look at the door, let alone knock on it and ask Bodahn if he could go in and see Hawke.

What if she was crying? What was he supposed to do then? Fenris heaved a sigh and pressed a hand to the wall, hanging his head and shutting his eyes in frustration. This whole... friendship... concept was certainly new to him, and he thought about following Varric's and Anders' lead and leaving Hawke alone to mourn. He would want to be alone if something like that had just happened to him. But he was not Hawke. Hawke had been through things similar to this before, and no one had been there for her, then. This time would be different, even if Fenris had to wipe the tears pouring down her gorgeous face himself.

Reluctantly but purposefully, Fenris straightened up, walking over to the door. The last time he'd been this nervous knocking on it, he'd been coming over here to tell Hawke how he felt. Well, sort of. Things hadn't gone exactly as planned, considering he expected for her to tell him to leave.

_Fenris strode quickly over to Hawke, whose eyebrows went up in surprise, the lyrium-blue eyes going wide, if only for a moment. He looked up into them, almost shaking from what he was feeling. He could scarcely take it anymore. "I have been thinking of you," he said, though it was practically a growl. "In fact, I have been able to think of little else. Tell me to go, and I shall." He couldn't stay here with her. He'd never been close to someone like this, and it scared him. If there was one thing Fenris hated, it was being scared. If she didn't tell him to leave, though... No, he shouldn't get his hopes up._

_ She seemed to be searching his eyes with her own momentarily, and Fenris felt his heartbeat speed up. Why did it have to do that? "I never said anything about you having to go. What if I want you here?" Hawke said; a challenge. A hungry look crossed Fenris' features, and, before he completely knew what he was doing, he leaned in and kissed her hard on the lips. They stayed like that for a few moments before Hawke took charge, practically spinning him around with her lips and crashing him against the wall, still kissing him passionately._

_ Not long after that, they retired to her bedroom. Fenris told her he had to leave the next morning. He told her they had to end this._

He shook his head. Now was not the time to relive such a regret. He did not regret... that night, but leaving Hawke was one of the most difficult things he had ever done. It was for the best, though... at least, Fenris hoped it was. All he knew was that the memories flooding back like they had, so quickly, and then disappearing even faster, was too painful for him to do more than once. It was Hawke who had caused it, so it was Hawke he restricted himself from. From touching, at least; she still seemed to invade his thoughts. Always. Fenris chuckled humorlessly to himself; she was a better rogue than she even knew. She was ever-present, and he was unable to spot her, to catch her.

This, however, was taking far too long. Fenris knocked on the door again. When still no one answered, he threw it open. He kept telling her she should lock her doors, but Hawke insisted that Rex would tackle and rip out the heart of anyone who came in the house uninvited. She also added that if he did not, she would. However, this time, Rex did exactly the opposite, bounding into the front room and sniffing Fenris with interest. When he chuckled and held a palm out, Rex licked it happily, then ran off again.

Fenris followed him into the living room. The fire was still burning in the fireplace, and the white lilies that Hawke had mentioned that her mother had gotten from the killer were on the ground with a smashed vase. He assumed that meant Hawke was home, so he carefully ascended the stairs, leaving Rex whining at the bottom. "Come on, then," he muttered to the dog, who simply turned around and curled up at his usual spot next to the fire. Fenris shrugged.

When he got to the top of the stairwell, he looked over it, into the living room. Bodahn and Sandal were nowhere to be seen. Absentmindedly, Fenris realized how odd this was; they rarely left the Hawke estate. It only took a moment for that thought to come to the front of his mind, and he began to think that perhaps something was wrong. He had no doubt that if someone had gotten into her estate, Hawke quickly would have disposed of the culprit... or culprits. There was no blood, however, so Fenris doubted this possibility of someone having broken in. She had probably just sent them off on errands. Or they had left of their own accord, searching for some of those embrium flowers that Hawke held so dearly to her heart.

He walked over to the door to Hawke's bedroom, scared to even look inside, lest he be reminded of what happened the last time he had been in there. But he gathered up his courage, then looked down, waiting for her to open the door. There was a muffled "come in", but Fenris hesitated. What if Hawke really _had _lost it? What if she was crying uncontrollably into her pillow? Or stabbing her dagger into the wall repeatedly? Or, worse yet, what if the abomination had lied about going to the clinic and he had actually gone to try and cheer Hawke up?

Fenris threw the door open with much more force than he meant to, surveying the room for any sign of an annoying, blonde mage. When his search discovered nothing but a very confused Hawke sitting on the edge of her bed, he scratched the back of his head awkwardly and murmured his apology. He glanced around the room at everything except for the woman in the middle, searching desperately for something to say to make her feel better. He only vaguely noticed that she was staring at him with an eyebrow raised, as if to ask him what he was doing here. Hawke always _had _had that peculiar way of conveying her thoughts without saying a word or even lifting a finger. Perhaps that was just the two of them, though. It did not seem like the others understood what she was trying to say as well as he did.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, carefully sitting down next to her on the crimson sheets of the bed. She had stopped staring at him, and was now looking at the floor; ironically, as he had been doing just minutes before. Fenris looked at her now, instead of the floor. _It is a better view this way, _he thought sardonically to himself. He had no idea why he seemed to rub what his mistakes were in his face. Usually, other people did that for him. Half of him supposed it was because whenever he was around Hawke, he made more mistakes than usual, but she said nothing about him needing to acknowledge or rectify them. Not like anyone else. He really hadn't been kidding when he said she was unlike any woman he had ever met; she was certainly different than most people he had ever known. Granted, his address book was full of Tevinter magistrates, and they were not known for how forgiving and affectionate they were. "I... do not know what it feels like to have such a thing happen," he added, still looking at her.

Hawke found herself wondering what he meant by _such a thing. _The fact that her mother had died in her arms and she'd been able to do nothing but sit there and stare at her mother's half-decayed body, her sewn neck? No, most people didn't know how they felt. Hawke had certainly never thought that she would. She'd never thought that someone so sick and twisted existed out there. Now, though... now he was gone, but she still thirsted for blood; for revenge. There was no one to take vengeance on now, however, as the culprit had been quickly dispatched and murdered. Hawke had made sure of that... even if she wished she could have taken a little more time to make him suffer. At least she'd proved her point that no one touched a member of her family without paying the consequences. She glanced up to Fenris, who was looking at her. They locked eyes, and all Hawke could seem to see was how that passion had looked in his eyes so long ago. "Thank you, Fenris," Hawke said simply, and she wasn't sure if she was thanking him for being there for for that night. From the look in his eyes, he was equally bewildered.

"You're welcome," Fenris replied, feeling slightly awkward. He really needed to stop thinking about what had happened the last time he'd been on this bed. "I'm here for you, Hawke, if you need me," he told her with a nod. Having said that, and feeling like the weight of Thedas had been taken off his shoulders, he stood up and turned to leave.

"Wait," said Hawke softly. The quiet authority in her voice made him stop, but not turn around. He did not want to see the look of unshielded sorrow on her face; he couldn't stand it. Besides, the ridiculous mage was long dead by now, and there was nothing more to him Fenris could do that Hawke hadn't already done. "Fenris..." she swallowed. "Do you think... do you think I could've saved her? If I had been faster? If I'd been stronger?"

He turned around and gave her a sad smile. "You are seeking forgiveness, Hawke. I'm not the one who can give it to you." Striding over to her, he gently placed a hand against her cheek, carressing it gently. "You'll get through this," Fenris assured her. "You're one of the strongest people I know." The lyrium blue eyes were glistening with wetness by now, but Fenris would say nothing to tell her it wasn't her fault. He knew it wouldn't matter if he did; if he told her it wasn't her fault, Hawke would find some way to convince herself that it was. He didn't want to waste the time. He wanted her to be happy, to be back to normal and saying something to make him laugh - something which he'd never done often until he met Hawke. Of course, she would be okay... in time. Right now, all Fenris wanted to do was kiss away the tears on her cheek. But he couldn't do that - he'd already made her suffer through enough. This time, it would be he who endured the torture - he had to stay away. If he kissed her now, Hawke might assume they were back together, and then he'd just have to leave her again. He couldn't do that all over again; the memory of her expression when he'd said he had to leave, that they had to end what they had was still vivid in his mind.

She smiled weakly at him. "I hope you're right."

"I know I'm right."

Hawke chuckled. "I think I'm going to go to bed, then." Half of her wanted to invite him to stay, but the other half was her being stubborn, telling her to kick him out. Telling her to make him leave her like he'd already done. She didn't know what to do, but she figured she should let Fenris make his own decisions. After all, he was old enough. A small smile tugged at her the corners of her lips at the thought, and how, if she voiced it, Fenris would probably roll his eyes at her.

"Right... I... will go, then." Once again, he turned to leave.

Once again, Hawke asked him to wait, looking crestfallen. "Will you... stay here? With me?" she asked in a small voice. Fenris noticed how uncomfortable she looked, and realized that Hawke wasn't at all used to being vulnerable. He couldn't blame her. It took a few minutes for her words to sink in, though. She wanted him... to stay? No, no, he couldn't. If he stayed, surely - "Nothing... naughty. I just... need someone I'm comfortable with. Someone I'm familiar with." Well, he could understand that... couldn't he?

Fenris nodded his head slowly. "I can do that," he told her, sitting down next to her again.

She smiled faintly and stood up, retreating into the bathroom. While he waited, Fenris made himself comfortable on the bed, perhaps even let himself get a little too comfortable there and doze off.

When he finally opened his eyes again, he realized there was a lump next to him, and the lights were all turned off. Hawke lay next to him, veiled by the covers, and he couldn't help but smile a little bit at how peaceful she looked when she was asleep like that. So... serene. With a gentle smile, he kissed her lightly on the cheek and pushed himself off the bed, being careful not to make too much noise, as it might wake her up, which was near the last thing he wanted.

Fenris found himself walking for the door out of her bedroom, but he paused with his hand on the doorknob to glance back at her, part of him longing to stay there for the rest of the night, and the other part of him commanding him to go back home right now where he wouldn't harm anyone or bring his own memories back.

He shut the door firmly but quietly behind him, letting the part of him that said he needed to go home win... for tonight, at least. Well, one thing about his relationship with Hawke and his feelings for her was for sure...

It was complicated.


End file.
